First Steps

“What we call the secret of happiness is no more than our willingness to choose life”

–Leo Buscaglia

I am returning to writing after an extended time away and am reminded of the awkwardness and discomfort of first steps. Taking on a new habit, whether it be exercise, thought patterns, emotional responses, food choices or new routines is often something we meet with resistance rather than enthusiasm. It nudges us out of the comfort zone of autopilot and demands we be present, pay attention and participate. The payoff is witnessing our own transformation, discovering the metamorphosis that occurs when we choose our own growth over the comfort of familiarity.

I remember when each of my children were taking their first steps. They would be so wobbly on their feet, and then would cruise, holding on to something until they were finale able to make it across the room. There are so many first steps as we grow, and children have the two necessary ingredients for success, willingness and trust. They are willing to try something new, even though they might fail a few times and even though they may not be perfect at it. They have trust that no matter the outcome, they will be okay. Do you remember how different it felt to try something new when you were young? Some of this just comes down to brain development, until the average age of 25, the prefrontal cortex Is not fully developed. This is the part of the brain responsible for rational thought and impulse control. Children, in general, tend to be more fearless for this reason.

In approaching new habits, we have to be willing to experience the discomfort of not feeling confident and overcome fear. To embrace that it may take time, perhaps longer than we’d like, and several attempts before new routines are integrated. Make the choice to trust that every failed attempt is actually an opportunity to learn and grow. As long as we keep coming back to the intention with willingness, we will achieve the goal.

I find there are basic keys that keep me on track in holding my commitment.

• Be very clear in what your goal is and why you want it
  It can take time and allowing the mental clutter to clear to determine what it is you truly want to change, bring into your life or let go of. Take the time to be clear. Consider what motivates you to seek it, and dive deeper. Write it down. Put it places where you can see it and be reminded of it.
• Write action steps
  There may be ten steps to fully integrate something new into your life, and you may not be able to see steps 8-10. Don’t let that stop you, you’ll be able to see them as you get closer. What are things you can do right now to take action? Write three down and commit to them without hesitation.
• Create a time commitment
  Open ended time frames can allow too much freedom. Give yourself the structure of a timeline. Set a date by which you would like to have your new habit or pursuit integrated into your life. Work back from that date and determine what needs to be completed at stages along the way. Hold yourself accountable to your schedule.
• Be persistent
  Life presents distractions and more often than not a million excuses for not doing what is new. Use every distraction and challenge as another way of envisioning how what you are creating will enrich your life. Use the challenges as invitations to anchor into seeing yourself in a new way. Discover what happens when you change obstacles into opportunities.
• Don’t let a slip become a fall
  If you find you still drop into old habits or patterns now and then, notice it, let it go and get back into the new. Resist the tendency to judge yourself or host feelings of futility. There will definitely be stumbles and fumbles, the important thing is to keep going, to believe in yourself and what you are capable of, even when it feels distant.
• Be curious not critical
  Release self judgement and instead be curious as to the why. There are reasons for things we do. Typically at some point in our lives it made sense or served a purpose. Be thankful prior approaches served the purpose they did. What you are welcoming in serves a conscious direction you are choosing. Just keep allowing the reminders to spur your growth forward.
• Keep a sense of humor
  Be persistent, have commitment and still have a sense of humor. It is essential to be able to laugh at ourselves, to know we will make mistakes and sometimes lose our way. It is the nature of being human. Try to laugh about it, and just keep moving forward.

“The willingness to keep learning is, I think, the most important thing about trying to be good at anything, You never want to stop learning.” – Emile Hirsch

Resources:

http://www.portlandpress.com/pp/books/online/wg86/086/0015/0860015.pdf

Ted talks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJbg-FcYLBI